Christmas Stress

I was a little scared to tell Sunny that I was back with John – so I planned on ignoring it. Of course, Sunny and John both left the house at the same time the next morning. I didn’t realize this until I dragged my butt into work and Sunny was sitting at her desk.

“So. John stayed over?” She asked, not turning away from her computer screen to look at me.

“Uh huh.” I said, deciding less was more and to let her ask the questions.

But she only nodded, and said nothing more about it. I knew she wasn’t happy, but I also think she realized anything she said to me wouldn’t do any good – she was trying to avoid a fight, and I appreciated it.

Life went on. I was making connections with Matt’s kids, and I found myself actually looking forward to class night. Matt, however, had distanced himself from me a little. It was one of those weird situations where I didn’t feel like I could ask him about it – he wasn’t treating me meanly, it’s just we used to talk a lot more, and I used to ride with him to drop the kids off at night and then he stopped asking me and stopped talking to me so much.

It was pretty much a routine of hanging out with John, working, and getting ready for Christmas, which is what I was out currently doing. Shopping with Sunny, in one of our rare moments of time spent together outside of work. She had been with Noah a lot, planning the wedding that was only a couple months away, while I was spending all of my free time with John.

“What are you getting Noah for Christmas?” I asked, as we browsed the jewelry counter at Macy’s.

“A watch he’s been hinting at. I was also thinking… I don’t know, it’s kind of dumb.”

“What?” I asked, looking up from the watches I had been looking at.

“OK, don’t laugh, but I was thinking about getting some dirty-ish pictures taken for him.”

“…You don’t want me to take them, do you?” I asked.

“No! There’s a photography place that does them. It’s not like, porn, but just… Sexy pictures. I don’t know, it seems dumb, but we’re getting married and you know there will probably be kids. I want him to remember what I looked like when we first got married and I was young and hot.”

“I think that’s kind of sweet, actually. Though I’m sure Noah will always think you’re gorgeous.”

“Oh please Mel. I’m going to pop out the first kid and it’s all going to be downhill from there.”

“Whatever. Just don’t give him it in front of his parents.” I said, laughing.

“That’s what the watch is for, I’ll give him that in front of the family. Are you getting John anything?”

“Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I?” I asked, this was the first time Sunny had brought up John in awhile.

“I don’t know. I just… I don’t know.” An awkward beat passed. “So, what are you getting him?”

“Dirty pictures. Think the place you’re going too will cut us a deal?” I joked.

“Ha ha.” She said, walking over to the purses. I followed, looking at a few wallets.

“I don’t know what to get him. I thought about a watch but he has a nice one that was like, his Grandpa’s or something. A tie seems lame and he never wears them. I don’t know Sun, help me out! I’m a girl whose never had a father, I have no idea what to buy for boys.”

“Well what do you buy Noah?”

“I get him a gift certificate. Same thing I get my brother – but that’s so impersonal and I want it to be special.”

“I mean, impersonal is OK. Isn’t that what you guys are?”

“What?” I asked, setting down the wallet I had been looking at for my Mom, and looking right at Sunny.

“I don’t mean that in a bad way, but I just figured this is what your situation was – impersonal. You know, no strings attached or whatever.” She said, flipping her hand as she said ‘whatever’.

“OK. I’ll ask someone else then.” I said, feeling my anger rise.

“Why? Melanie I’m not trying to be mean…”

“But you ARE being mean. I get it, you’re my friend, you love me, you’re concerned about me, and I appreciate that. But this is what I’m doing, and either you’re going to be supportive, or you and I just won’t talk about it.”

“OK then.” She said, biting her lip – a giveaway that she wanted to say more.

We left Macy’s, the wallet I was going to buy for my mother forgotten. I was irritated and Sunny wasn’t saying anything either, which meant she wasn’t happy with me either. I almost wondered if we should cut our visit short when she pulled me into a sports store to find something for her Dad.

It was in the back where I saw it – and I almost missed it. It was a Chicago Bulls leather jacket – and it was huge. The first thing that popped into my head was ‘Matt would love this, and it actually looks like it would fit him.’ I fingered the leather, wondering if it would be weird to get Matt a Christmas gift. I considered him a friend – at least I did before the weirdness – and I always get all my friends a gift. Would he think it was weird? It was kind of expensive, but I had the money (considering all I did was work, I never had the time to spend any money.)

“What’s that?” Sunny asked, glancing over from a case of autographed stuff.

“It’s a coat, I was thinking it’d be perfect for Matt.”

Sunny laughed. “You can’t figure out a gift for your boyfriend, brother, or best male friend, but Matt you can?”

“Is that weird?” I asked.

“I think it says something.” Sunny said, walking over to me to check out the coat.

“Says what?” I asked, confused.

“That maybe you know Matt better than those guys. I don’t know. It is a nice jacket, and oddly enough looks like it would fit him.”

“I know. But it’s expensive. I have the money but would it be weird to give it to him?”

“See if they have something less expensive in his size?” She asked.

“We don’t carry anything else in that size in stores. It’s actually an internet return.” A worker said, overhearing our conversation.

“It’s like it’s meant to be.” Sunny said.

“Yeah but again, would it be weird? I mean I don’t mind, he works so hard with those kids, he deserves something nice…”

“So tell him it’s from the group? I mean he’ll know they don’t have the money to pay for it, but still makes it a little less weird.”

“Good idea. I knew I kept you around for a reason.”

Sunny bought some signed something or other for her Dad, and I bought the coat for Matt. The rest of our shopping trip was weird – Sunny was trying, I could tell, suggesting gifts for John, and even asking if I wanted help picking out a cute outfit for our New Years Eve party - but I could also tell she didn’t mean it. I had asked her to be supportive, so I couldn’t get angry, but it was so fake I wished she would just shut up already.

I picked up a few more things, but eventually left the mall with nothing for John and only a few more days to find something. I was beginning to feel hopeless – like I should just give up and buy him a giftcard or something stupid. I wish I could ask Matt, maybe he would have some good ideas.