It was only just a dream?

I hadn't expected to fall asleep. I had felt wired before I laid down, so I had planned on making sure Matt was asleep and then extracting myself and heading home.

However, the next thing I realized, I was waking up. Matt was still asleep, an arm firmly around me. I studied his face for a minute - the flush of his cheeks, the way his eyelashes rested on his cheek, the slight bump in his nose, the fullness of his lips... I reached up and touched his face - I was telling myself I was checking for a fever, but I knew differently - and then I ran my hand through his hair. His eyes fluttered, and I snatched my hand back.

"Hello there." He said, his words full of sleep.

"Hey. I was getting ready to go. You feeling any better."

"Yeah." He said. And then he seemed to notice our closeness and pulled back a little. I took this as my cue to sit up. "You don't have to go. I mean it's late. You can just stay in my bed. I'll crash on the couch."

"No, I really should go. Work and such in the morning and it's Sunny's first day back and I don't want to be late." Was it me or was there a hint of disappointment on his face?

"OK. Well... I wanted to apologize for how I reacted to you and John. If you two are going to hook up or whatever, it's none of my business. I just don't want to see you get hurt. But you can make your own choices." Matt said. He wouldn't look at me, staring off instead at the TV.

I laughed - I couldn't help myself. "That's what that was about? Trust me, we aren't hooking up. After I left the bar I realized I had no place to stay. I figured I could use the spare key and stay at Sunny and Noah's for the night. I hadn't realized they had asked John to watch the place. I didn't call him, and if I knew he had been there, I would have gone some place else. We talked and then I left."

"You didn't stay with John?" He asked, looking confused.

"No. That would have been the last thing I needed that night. More drama. I went and slept in my office."

He laughed, and then started couging. I reached over and rubbed his back lightly. "Do you need some water?" I asked.

He shook his head. His coughing fit finished. "That must have sucked."

"It did. That whole night was a mess. How about you? Spend the night with Steph?"

Matt turned a little red.

"Ooooh." I teased, trying to hide my hurt feelings. "Someone did spend the night with someone."

"Not like that." Matt said. "I don't do that. She was upset. I was just... I jumped to conclusions with you and John, got angry with you, and left you for someone I had just met a few days prior. It's embarassing."

I shrugged. "That night was pretty... Intense. I was mad, but things happen. How was Steph?"

"It's obvious she cares a lot about you. She's just hurt by the whole situation. She feels like you think you loved her Dad more because you took over."

"I've never said anything of the sort." I said, feeling my defenses rise.

"I know. I think she knows that too. I think sometimes when people are in painful situations they look for someone to blame. Her Dad isn't here to blame anymore and so..."

"I don't think we'll ever get over it."

"Maybe." Matt said. "Anyway..." He trailed off.

"You should lay back down. You're looking pale again." I said.

"Nobody's ever taken care of me like this." Matt said as I covered him with a blanket.

"It's not a big deal." I said, going into the kitchen to grab him a cold gatorade. "I'll swing by after work and check on you. See how you're doing. Call me if you want me to bring anything."

Matt didn't answer, and as I walked back into the living room, I saw the reason - he was already passed out. I set the gatorade on the table next to him and studied his face for a minute. He looked so young, so peaceful, and I couldn't help myself, I leaned down and kissed his forehead.

Matt's eyes fluttered open, and my heart stopped. I couldn't breathe, worried about what his reaction might be. He smiled, and his eyes closed again.

I left, hoping in the morning he wouldn't remember.