He's my son

I have a friend who is one of my close friends, and her son is Cayden's best friend. We met up a last week or maybe it was the week before, just to catch up and let the boys play. She told me a story about a co-worker who is also her landlord. His four year old had a bump on his side. They didn't think much of it, but decided to go get it checked out. Long story short, they find that he has cancer. I don't know the specifics - I'm not close to this family by any means (I think our boys played in the same soccer league, but his older son was in a different age group and I'm not sure his 4 year old played. I think she pointed him out once at a game.) But it rocked me. Four year old's can't get cancer. It shouldn't happen. Four year olds should get scraped knees, bruises. Maybe a broken arm if something drastic HAS to happen, but they don't get cancer.

Again, I don't know the specifics, but what my friend told me isn't good. The little bump? Is the size of a cantaloupe on the inside. The cancer is very rare, something like only 600 cases of it have been reported or whatever. It's going to be difficult and dangerous to operate. There's a 30% chance of survival.

Did I mention he's four?

This is Cayden on his first day of school:



Cayden is about to turn four, and this is what four year olds should be doing. Going to school. Playing outside with friends. Giving attitude to Mom and Dad. Not getting chemo. Not losing their hair. School - not cancer.

I know it's selfish of me to think of Cayden while all this is going on, but that's my first thought. What would I do if I took him to the doctor for something that I assumed was something no big deal - a bump, maybe one of those water filled cysts. Only to find out everything this family has found out? My gorgeous, bright, sometimes annoying but so very alive and wonderful baby boy - how could I watch him get sicker because that's the only way we might have a chance at making him better... How could I possibly explain to him what was going on?

And what if it were Eli?

How would I deal with everything Eli was going through, but then also be expected to not only care for my older boy, but to be able to find the words to explain what was happening to his younger brother - someone that he fights with, but also cuddles and loves and explains things too and plays with?



Honestly I can't even wrap my head around it. I just keep saying, what the fuck? Four year olds do not get cancer.

But, of course they do. I've heard plenty of stories, and I've seen the St. Jude's commercials. It's not fair, it's not the tiniest bit fair at all, but it happens. It happens all the time.

All I can hear in my head over and over again is the song "He's my son" by Mark Schultz. It was popular when I was younger, and it's a religious song (which I kind of smirk at, because I'm not very religious.) But it's such a moving song about a man who is begging with God to let him take his son's place - because "he's not just anyone, he's my son."

I didn't want to be a debbie Downer, but I'm just so sad for this family, and every time my friend gives me an update, I have to let the boys sleep with me, because I just, I can't imagine. I don't want to imagine, and though I'm not very religious, I thank every religious figure out there that so far both my boys are healthy. I know I'm the ultimate complainer, but really health is something that I take for granted so often, and I just. I don't know.

Please keep this family in your thoughts and prayers (if you're the praying kind.) If you are at all interested in donating to them, please let me know. I know they are doing a walk on Sunday, but I'm not sure if they have a website for donations or not.

And if you have them, hug your kids extra hard tonight.