Dark Windows

It was a week after the “incident” with John. The next day we both woke up and acted like nothing had happened, but honestly I had avoided being alone with him since. I had feigned a busy week at the business and he had let it slide, but I knew it wasn’t going to last much longer. Tonight I got a reprieve because I was teaching my first session with Matt’s kids and he had a party with some friends.

“First rule of starting any business: have a good product. Doesn’t matter what that product is, it has to be good.” I said, standing in front a group of kids I had just met. I was nervous as hell, and I looked back at Matt, who nodded encouragingly.

“But there are plenty of crappy products out there.” A girl chimed in. I think her name was Beth, but Matt had thrown their names at me so quickly that I didn’t catch them all. She was tall, skinny, with unruly red hair and pale skin.

“Bethani…” Matt warned from the back of the room. There were six kids total, four girls and two boys – and it was clear by their behavior that they had been warned by Matt to be polite. He was keeping them on a short leash.

“No – it’s fine.” I said to Matt, and then I turned to the girl. “You’re totally right. There are a lot of crappy products out there. But when it comes to small business, in order to survive you really need a good product, and you also need great customer service. Customer service is one thing that the big box stores don’t have. Sure, people may be nice, but I’ve been shopping at the same wal-mart my whole life, and nobody there knows me by name. It is nice to walk in to a place and have someone call you by your name, ask how your family is.” I caught Matt’s eye, who was smiling at me, and it threw me off my groove for a moment. Quickly I shook my head and clapped my hands together. “So. I’m going to show you guys how to make my good product.”

I lead the kids threw the steps for making pizza dough, and then we layered on their toppings. The time ended up passing so much more quickly than I had ever anticipated when I had agreed to this, and before I knew it, Matt was calling for the kids to clean up and get their coats on.

“Do you want to see where they’re from?” He asked, cocking his head towards the door. “I mean, I understand if you’re busy…”

I glanced at my watch and then around the shop. The kids did a good job of cleaning up their mess, and as an apology for missing this meeting, Sunny had done most of the cleaning before she left to meet Noah. All that was left were a few dishes in the sink and those could wait until tomorrow.

“Sure. I’d love too.” I said.

The music in the van was up so high and the kids sang along so loudly that conversation was impossible on the way back to the center. I settled in to the old van and watched out the window as my small town faded into city. The streets became dirtier, there were more broken windows, more empty houses, more people loitering out on the street in shabbier clothing. I watched as Matt dropped the kids off, house by house, most of them empty and dark – no one was waiting for them. I wondered if they had anyone to cook them dinner, anyone to check their homework, anyone to ask about their day, but knew by the way Matt waited to make sure they got inside that they did not. And my chest became so heavy – so sad. My Mom worked a lot, that was true, but she was always home at night, and if she wasn’t she arranged for a neighbor or family member to be there. These kids were so young, so small, and yet they were left to fend for themselves.

“You can see,” Matt said, as we dropped the last kid off. “That what you’re doing is a good thing. You’re giving them a place to go at night.”

“I don’t know if I could do what you do, all day every day. Don’t you get sick with worry?” I said, wondering how I was going to be able to let those kids go home every session when I knew they were going to empty houses.

“It’s hard sometimes. Bethani… I worry about her especially. She’s not from here. She just came in to the program and was used to a pretty cushy life. But, her Dad died and with the medical bills her Mom lost everything and now they’re here. But, I can either say it’s too hard for me and abandon them all together, or I can try to be there for them when I can.”

“Save the last dance.” I said. And then I felt stupid.

“What?” He asked, glancing over to me, the street lamps illuminating his face.

“Oh, it’s dumb. Bethani’s situation reminds me of save the last dance. I mean, it’s a movie, so of course it’s more flowery and probably ends better but…”

“I’ve never seen it.”

“It’s a teen movie. I loved it – of course I did, I was a teenaged girl when it came out. But, a ballet dancer lives in the burbs until her mother dies and then has to move in with her Dad in the hood.”

“It sounds… Interesting.” He said, unable to hide the smirk on his face.

“Hey, don’t knock it till you’ve seen it!”

“Is that an invitation?” He asked.

“An invitation for what?” I asked, confused.

“To watch it with you sometime?”

“Oh… Like a…” I trailed off, suddenly embarrassed. Was he asking me on a date? Was he thinking I was asking him on a date? With John could I even…

“No.” Matt said, firmly, interrupting my thoughts. “Not a date. I don’t date Lanie, and if we’re going to be friends – which I hope we are – you need to remember that. Besides, I thought you had your… Thing.”

“I do. I just didn’t want to send mixed messages or anything. Sure. We can watch it sometime.”

“Alright, well. You have my number, you let me know when.” Matt said, pulling in front of the pizza shop.

“Will do. Have a good night.” I said, hopping out.

"Hey Melanie?" He called.

"Hmm?" I asked, stopping and turning to look at him.

"You're helping a lot already, but if you feel like doing more... Thanksgiving is next week and we could always use more volunteers to help us serve dinner. It's not a date though." He said, laughing.

I laughed too. "Sure thing. Just email me with the details." And with that, I turned and headed for my car.

I expected Matt to drive off when I got out, but to my surprise he waited until I was safely in my car before he gave me a head nod and drove off. I was surprised to find myself smiling at the thought of Matt standing watch – protecting me against the non-existent evils of my small town, just as he watched out for the kids he worked with.

I drove home and was surprised to find Sunny sitting in our living room. She paused what she was watching on TV.

“You aren’t with Noah tonight?” I asked, dropping my coat on the bar stool and placing my keys on the hook by the door.

“No, he had a thing with some friends so I decided to stay here. This place won’t be mine for too much longer so I figured I should enjoy it while I have it.” She stretched. “No John?”

I shook my head. “He must be at that same thing.” I said, walking in to the kitchen and grabbing a water from the fridge.

She nodded. “Where have you been? That class didn’t just let out, did it?”

“No. I went with Matt to drop the kids back off.”

She laughed. “Oh Mel. You do like them damaged don’t you?”

“What do you mean?” I asked, walking back into the living room and sitting on the sofa. I tucked my legs up under me.

“You know Matt doesn’t date, right? And John isn’t dating…”

“Sunny! It’s not like that with Matt. He’s just a friend.”

“Women and men can’t just be friends.” Sunny said, reaching forward to get her wine glass from the coffee table.

“What have Noah and I been all these years then?” I asked, reaching for Sunny’s wineglass. I took a sip.

“That’s different. He had me and you and I were friends.” She said, stealing her wine glass back from me. “Really though Melanie, I am worried about you…”

“Not this song and dance again Sun.” I whined, only half joking. “I’m fine. I know Matt doesn’t date, and I’m fine with that. John DOES date, he’s just not sure of what he wants right now, and I’m fine with that. I told you when I become un-fine I will let everyone in the world know, but until then can you just back off?” I said, unable to keep the bite out of my voice.

“Geez, I’m sorry Mel. I’m just worried about you, calm down.” She said, looking hurt.

“I know. I know. I’m sorry I snapped. It’s just… Long day.” I said, forcing a smile.

I wasn’t sure why I was lying to Sunny. It hadn’t been a long day at all, it was just that I knew she was right. Not about Matt, and I did believe men and women could be friends, but… I had feelings for John. Strong feelings, and I was starting to realize that they were so strong that I was too afraid to lay it on the line and issue an ultimatum. Being with John this way was far better with not being with John at all, and I knew that with time, he’d come around. I mean didn’t we have fun together? Didn’t we click? I settled back on to the couch to watch the show that Sunny had now un-paused. That was it. I just needed to give this some more time.