You numb me

I had been exhausted, but the second I laid down on Matt’s bed, I became wired. It didn’t help, of course, that I was surrounded by Matt. His clothes, his smell, his things… It made the feelings that I had had all morning rush at me full speed, and as soon as I laid down, I popped right back up.

Still, I didn’t want to go back downstairs. I was in a bad mood, I didn’t feel like socializing – not that I was any good at it. I had never really had to be. I grew up in the same small town my whole life, with built in friends, and then when I got older, Sunny was always there to help me. The only time I had been alone was college, and I had had a social butterfly as a roommate, and then had been called home. I could often do OK at faking it, if I had too, but I just wasn’t in the mood now to try, and I didn’t want to be the party’s Debbie Downer.

I started poking around Matt’s room. I told myself I wasn’t snooping, because I wouldn’t open any drawers, but I guess I kind of was. I looked in his open closet at his clothes, the pictures he had on his desk, and then sat down on his bed and glanced over at his night stand.

Next to a pair of folded up reading glasses was a book. I picked it up and laughed out loud. Matt was seriously reading The Hunger Games? And from the look of his bookmark, he was pretty far in. Wasn’t this a book for teenaged girls? What was Matt doing reading it? Since I had nothing better to do, I settled back into his pillows, and started at the beginning.

I don’t know why Matt started reading the book. But I know why he was so far into it – I got sucked in and completely lost track of time.

“You were supposed to be sleeping.” A voice said, and I jumped a mile in the air.

“I couldn’t fall asleep. And I stumbled across your dirty little secret. Care to explain this?” I asked, smirking, holding up the book.

To my surprise, Matt turned red. “We, uh, started a book club with the teens. I have to read along with them so I know what’s going on. We’re doing books based on movies and their reward for finishing is that we see the movie. I have to do it. For work.” He said.

“Oh really? You’re pretty far ahead according to the syllabus I found.” I said, fanning through the pages. I had found a syllabus outlining their reading assignments stuck in the middle of the first chapter. I had then figured out why he was reading it – but he was almost finished with the book, while the assignment said they only needed to be within the first three chapters.

“I just want to be ahead in case something comes up and I can’t read for awhile.” He was still read. “Now can I please have my book back?”

“I dunno.” I said, looking at it. “Since you’re so far ahead maybe I’ll just borrow your copy. I’m pretty into it myself. You won’t need it back for a while.”

“Lanie…” Matt said, walking towards me slowly. “I want my book.”

“Here.” I said, holding it out to him. As he reached for it, I pulled it back. “Just kidding.” I said, smiling up at him.

“Oh it’s going to be like that, huh?” He asked, his redness fading into a smile. “OK, you wanna play rough…” He trailed off and turned to go, and I figured he was giving up when all of a sudden he turned back, ran towards me, and fell on top of me trying to lunge for the book. Even though he surprised me, I managed to hold it up and away from him.

“Just admit that you like the book Matt, and you can have it.” I said, trying to wrestle to keep the book away from him. “Say ‘I like this book that is geared towards thirteen year old girls.’ And it’s yours.”

“I told you I’m reading it for work!” He said, trying to grab my arms to pin me. I wiggled away from him.

“Uh huh, you started it for work, but you love it now, don’t lie.” I said. We were full on wrestling now, Matt on top of me, trying to both pin me and grab for the book, me wiggling underneath him, trying to keep the book away from him and not allow myself to be pinned.

Then it happened. He did some sort of ninja warrior move and managed to somehow snare both of my wrists with one hand. With his other hand, he plucked the book from me.

“Aha! Now you must be punished. Tell me I’m the best.” He said, holding me down.

“I’m not saying that! You’re reading teen chick lit for Christs’ sake.” I said, laughing.

“Oh, you want to disobey me? Fine. Punishment time.” And then he tickled me.

I, like most females I know, am insanely ticklish. The second the thought entered my head that he might tickle me, I started laughing – that’s how ticklish I am. And when his fingers actually touched me, I went insane.

“OK! OK! You’re the best!” I yelled inbetween giggles.

“What? I can’t hear you. Try, Matt you are insanely smart, incredibly talented, cute, and I am your humble servant.”

“Matt, you are insane.” I said, and then was punished with more tickles. “OK! OK! You’re insanely smart, incredibly talented, cute, and I am your humble servant.” I yelled out.

He stopped, and I gasped for air. Still smiling, I looked up at him. And suddenly it became very unfunny, and very serious. He was watching me, and I felt the same pull I had felt the other night when he dropped me off. Only this time, I really couldn’t break eye contact. I was both hopeful and incredibly scared for what was about to happen next.

He tilted his head to one side, and wet his lips. And then…

“Is she out? She used to be so hard to wake up.” Steph said, bursting into the room. Matt quickly rolled off to the side. “Oh, I’m sorry, was I interrupting something?” She asked, looking from me to Matt.

“No. I was just making fun of Matt for his choice in books.” I said, trying to get my breathing under control. “How was the game?”

“Good. Matt was just offering to take me out for a drink and show me all the new stuff that’s popped up since I left. You wanna come with us?” Steph asked.

I couldn’t even look at Matt. “Um, no. I’m still really tired so if it’s OK…”

“It’s fine.” Steph said quickly. “I mean, Matt, you can drop me back off at Lanie’s place, right?”

Matt nodded. “Yeah. No problem.”

I left Matt’s place shortly thereafter and decided what I really needed was some comfort food. I ordered some fried chicken from a little Mom and Pop shop and decided to go home, stuff my ace, and pass out. I did not want to know what time Steph came home. I did not want to hear about what she and Matt did. I did not want to talk about Matt or think about Matt. I was pretty sure I was just replacing all the angst from John with Matt, and I was worried that I would do something to ruin our friendship – which I felt was really good at this point.

My plan, however, did not work. After eating, I laid in bed. Unable to fall asleep, I decided to download the hunger games onto my Kindle and finish reading. I figured if Steph did come home, I could pretend to be asleep, but I was so absorbed in my book, I didn’t hear her come in until she poked her head in my door.

“Oh good, you’re still up.” She said, coming in and sitting on the edge of my bed.

“Yeah. I was getting ready to hit the hay.” I said, putting my kindle down. “How was everything?” I asked, because I knew I had too.

“Fun. Matt’s cute. Are you into him?” She asked. “Because earlier you all looked…”

“We’re just friends. Matt doesn’t date.” I said. I wasn’t quite sure why I added that last part in, but I did.

“We’ll see.” She said, with a smile that I didn’t like.

“You like him?” I asked, unable to help myself. “I mean that’s cool, but you’ll be leaving soon…”

She shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t know. I don’t really have a reason to stay where I’m at anymore. Coming home I thought might be painful. But Matt gave me the tour and it seemed like the town’s changed enough that I wouldn’t be running into memories every other step. Matt said he wanted to show me his work – maybe there would be something for me there. Anyway. I don’t know.” She shrugged. “He is really cute though, isn’t he?”

Now it was my turn to shrug. I desperately wanted to change the subject. “I wanted to show him Dad’s place, but the spare key wasn’t where it usually is.” She said.

…For someone who didn’t want to run into memories, going to the place you grew up with your dead Father seemed like jumping into the sea of memories. I raised an eyebrow. “We rent it now. Sunny thought it’d be a good idea instead of just letting it sit empty.” “Oh.” Steph said, pursing her lips. “Of course she did.”

“Anyway.” I said, avoiding the subject. Steph and my relationship was strained. Sunny and Steph’s relationship was explosive. “I better hit the hay. Bright and early tomorrow at the shop. Are you coming with me?”

“I don’t know. Being in the shop earlier was really painful. You’ve changed so much…”

“I haven’t really changed anything, Steph.” I refrained from adding in that had we sold the shop like she had wanted too, everything probably would have changed, or asking her why it wasn’t painful to visit a place where you grew up with your father with a guy you just met, but going to his shop with a person who used to be your best fried was. “The tables are different.”

“Same tables. I refinished the chairs because they were ripping.”

“I don’t know.” She said, looking away. “It’s just hard.”

“Well. It’s up to you. But tomorrow is the class I teach with Matt, so I’m going to be late and you’ll be on your own.”

She looked at me. “Oh. Maybe I’ll stop by then. He spoke so highly of those kids. I would love to meet them.”

I literally bit my tongue to keep from saying anything. “Goodnight Steph.”