To have or not to have?

Someone asked me to continue doing Whatever Wednesdays, and I'd like too - I like mindlessly rambling and catching you up on random things and posting pictures of my insanely gorgeous (insanely crazy) boys.

Lately I've been thinking about a third child. Originally, when I was growing up, I always thought I'd have four kids. You know, back when you planned down to the tee what your grown up life would be, and you thought it would just magically turn out like that? (I'd get married, work for a few years, enjoy my husband, get pregnant, quit my job, have two boys and two girls - two sets of twins, naturally. We'd have a pretty nice house where the neighborhood kids would always hang out but were never annoying. Despite my house being the hang out spot, it was always clean, and I got a full nights sleep every night.)

Then I grew up, and you know, life happened. Babies are cute, sure. They're also loud, dirty, smelly, needy, expensive, germy, time consuming little things who don't even speak your language. Raising kids is hard - you're basically a slave only everyone wants to tell you that you should be happy about it because children are such a blessing.

Wait, this was a post about me wanting a third baby, right? Right. I'm sort of kidding about all of the above. I say sort of, because what I said is true - I don't think anyone realizes how hard having kids is until they have them (I know, I know, childless people HATE it when people say that. Sorry, but it's another being that is totally dependent on you for EVERYTHING and is also hell-bent on killing itself most of the time it's awake.) I guess my point is, after I had Cayden, it was hard, but I knew I still wanted a second. After having Elijah, though, things became a little murky - all I knew is that there most certainly would not be four. I told myself I didn't have to decide now, and that even if I DID decide, until I actually got pregnant I could always change my mind. I had time. Now I feel like that time is running out.

OK, I know people roll their eyes when I say time is running out. I don't mean that I'm getting old - because I'm not (Well, I am getting there, but I'm not there yet). I still probably have many baby making years left (I say probably because you never know, but I think it would be safe to make that assumption based on my age alone.)And technically, since Jeremy is a man, he has plenty of time left. But, he is older (36 this year) and he doesn't want to be almost 60 when his kid graduates high school.

There's also the fact that I already have kids, and I want them close-ish in age for a couple reasons: I was close in age with my brother and sister, and while we had some of the worst fights ever, we also had some of the best times ever. I also try not to judge other peoples parenting decisions, but one thing I just don't understand is why people choose to have a HUGE age gap in children. It's their lives of course (and I know sometimes it's not always planned) but I don't have any desire to get my children to a place where they are more independent and I have more free time, only to start all over again. Cayden is getting to a place where he is more independent. He's in school part time, and he might be starting school full time this fall (that's a decision we're still mulling over) He can go to the potty by himself, wipe his own butt (I mention this because this milestone is bigger than potty training, I think), get himself dressed. We're working on potty training Eli.

So basically, I feel like if we are going to have a third, we should have it soon. So, what's stopping me?

Money, for one. We can afford another - but it would mean making cuts. Not huge ones, but little things - things to some that might not matter (maybe taking less vacations, or less fancy vacations, things of that nature.)

Time. My family is just starting to be comfortable watching two kids at once. If we have a third, we'll probably never get any time alone together. And there is the fact that we are heading into independence land for the kids - we aren't quite there yet, but we're getting there. I'd be starting all over.

I'd be a liar if I said the sex of the baby didn't matter. It does. I love my boys, and it's not that I'd mind another boy, but I think it might kill me to have three boys. I'm not trying to make this into a "which sex is more difficult" debate - children are difficult no matter what. But my boys are your typical rough and tumble, high energy, get into all kinds of trouble boys. Two of them are a handful with Jeremy and I both with them. Three of them and we're outnumbered. (Though I could get a girl and she could totally end up being just as rough and tumble as my boys)

Basically, I have a long list of why I shouldn't have third baby. And only one reason to have one: I want one. I don't feel like we're done yet, and I can't imagine never being pregnant again, never holding my newborn baby for the first time... Ect.

This isn't a pregnancy announcement or anything - it's not even a "I'm tyring to have a baby!" announcement. It's just wondering... For those of you who have kids, what was your decision process like?