Some boys don't know how to love

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I froze, eyeing Sunny nervously. She looked at me, and I knew her eyes were asking me what I wanted her to do – if I wanted her to intercept or make an excuse on my behalf. But, I couldn’t do that to Sunny. This was her day and I wasn’t going to risk ruining it in any way.

I didn’t answer, I just nodded and took his outstretched hand as he led me to the dance floor. The song on was upbeat – which was good. I kept a safe distance and avoided looking at him or touching him. But of course, just like in the movies, it lasted all of thirty seconds before it faded out and was replaced with a slower beat. He hesitated for a moment, and I was just about to turn away from him when he pulled me to him.

Give me a second I need to get my story straight

He laughed. “Well, this is fitting.”

“What?” I asked, forcing myself to look up at him.

He nodded his head towards the speakers. “This song. Reminds me of you.” And then leaning down, his lips close to my ear, he softly sang, “My lover she is waiting for me just across the bar, my seats been taken by some sunglasses asking about a scar. I know I gave it to you months ago, I know you’re trying to forget. But between the drinks and subtle things, the holes in my apologies, I’m trying hard to take it back…”

I looked up, trying to process it – wondering exactly what he was trying to say, wondering how I should respond, when it hit me.

“You’re drunk John.” I waited a moment, for him to deny it, and when he just blinked at me, I continued. “You don’t get drunk.”

“Oh Mel, there are always exception to the rules.”

“Yeah, there are.” I said. My brain was overloaded, and my heart. My poor heart. “I better go.” I said pulling back from him.

“Lanie, don’t…” He started.

“No. Your girlfriend is here. She doesn’t know anyone else, you’re being rude. I’ll talk to you later, I’m sure.” I said. I turned and walked away.

Even though I wanted to go to Sunny, a glance in her direction told me she had seen nothing. Her head was buried in Noah’s shoulder, he was holding her close, rocking back and forth with his eyes closed, lost in the moment. I knew if I went over there, Sunny would understand. She wouldn’t mind the interruption – or at least she wouldn’t act or tell me she did. But I couldn’t interrupt that. Even though it hurt like hell now, I knew that eventually I would get over this and move on. But a wedding, that’s something Sunny was only going to get once, and I didn’t want to talk about her wedding in the future and reminisce about how John broke my heart and I cried on her shoulder. So I kept walking past Noah and Sunny and headed out the door. Fresh air would calm me down, and then I could reboot and continue on with my performance of a lifetime.

I got outside and leaned my head against the cool cement of the balcony, gulping in the fresh air. I will only cry happy tears today, I will only cry happy tears today…. I kept repeating it over and over in my head, hoping it would hold back the tears threatening to fall.

I heard footsteps approach behind me, and I tensed, fully expecting John to have followed me.

“You’ve done a really good job tonight. Better than I would have done.”

“What?” I asked, looking up at Matt.

“When I met you, you told me you had a thing. I know what that means. I had a thing too. My thing broke my heart, and I guess because of that I just assumed you would be the heartbreaker too. However, when you started to say it wasn’t like that – I knew. I knew you were going to fall in love. I knew you were the one who was probably going to get your heart broken.” “Why didn’t you say anything?” I asked, angry.

“Because I barely knew you, and you wouldn’t have listened anyway. Falling in love isn’t hard. It’s when you stop falling and hit the ground that it hurts. You were falling, you felt good, you would have ignored what anyone said just to keep that feeling going.”

It got quiet. The wind picked up, and Matt shrugged off his suit jacket and laid it around my shoulders.

“You said he was a good guy.”

“He is. He’s also a douchebag.”

“How can someone be both?” I asked.

“He’s always been fine to me. But the way he treated you…”

“Tell me about her.” I said. “Your thing.”

Matt was quiet, and I was worried I had offended him, but before I could tell him to forget about it, he spoke.

“Her name was Ella. I met her at work. The first time I saw her, I literally felt the hair on my arms stand up. That sounds so dumb, but being so close to her was just… Electric. I had a girlfriend, so I thought I just needed to stay away from her, but fate has a funny way of working out and I actually got slotted to stay with her while I was working there. Anyway, for a while it was one of those things where one of us was always attached. But then… Then she wasn’t and I wasn’t and…”

“It became a thing.”

He nodded. “She was honest with me. She told me she was still wrapped up in her ex. In fact she told me she would be in a relationship with me but if her ex came back she would leave me.”

“What a bitch.” I interrupted.

“Yes and no. I mean it sucked to hear, and it made me angry but she could have lied. At least she told me the truth. Anyway, then she took a job out of state, to clear her mind. I’ve never admitted this to anyone before, but I had hoped she’d come back and realize that she missed me.” He laughed a little at this last part.

“And she didn’t?”

“Maybe she would have. But, I bumped into her ex and told him he was being stupid.”

“Why?” I asked, surprised.

“I wanted to be with her. I couldn’t spend the rest of my life in limbo, waiting to see if he decided to come back, waiting for her to change her mind. So I figured he’d come back and either they’d work it out or they wouldn’t and then I could try.”

“They worked it out?” I asked.

“I just got the invite to their wedding.” He said flatly.

“Ouch.” I said, not knowing what else to say.

He nodded. “It is what it is, and all those clichés. But mainly it just sucks.”

“I guess I’m lucky, I don’t have to go to their wedding yet but… I keep wondering why her? What was so different? What did she say, or do, or not do? I mean… He just left me. The leaving is just… It’s what gets me. Things were good, and then they were over, he moved on so quickly and I’m just… Left. And what am I supposed to do? Get over it? I want too, but I don’t know how. Everyone says to give it time and it’ll get easier and it should but it hasn’t at all. Every time I get into bed I wish he was there, and when I wake up the first thing I notice is that he’s not, and I just feel like I’m going through the motions waiting for it to become the norm again.”

Matt nodded. “I still have days like that.”

“Oh great, and how long has it been for you?”

He laughed. “Awhile. But I’m not saying it’s every day… It does get easier. I’m just not going to lie to you and tell you I’m over it, because I’m not. I have my moments. The wedding is going to be a big one, I think.”

“I can go with you.” I said, and then I realized what I said. “I mean. If you’re going, and you don’t have anyone else to go with. I mean just as friends of course. You did throw me a pity party so the least I could do is…” I was babbling. I suddenly felt very nervous and uncomfortable.

“It’s fine. I’m not sure if I’m going yet, but if I do, I’d appreciate the support if you’d come along.”

“Yeah. Well. I appreciate your support too. So, just let me know. I owe you anyway.”

We stood there, an awkward beat of silence passing between us. Matt opened his mouth to say something else when the door burst open.

“Melly! There you are. Come inside and dance with me!” Sunny called.

“Well. Duty calls.” I said smiling up at Matt. I shrugged off his jacket and handed it back to him, and we walked back inside.