Surprise

I’d like to say I went back into the wedding and had an awesome time. I tried. I danced, drank more with Sunny, and I laughed. But, I was always aware where John was – even though I didn’t want to be, it’s as if I had some sort of radar. My body was just aware at all times, and every time it got within a certain radius of me, I felt myself tense up, wondering if he was going to try to say anything.

When he left, it also wasn’t a relief. I felt strangely disappointed when he didn’t try anything.

Shortly after John left, the party started to wind down, and Sunny and Noah went to leave. I hugged Sunny goodbye, feeling myself tear up unexpectedly.

“It’s not goodbye forever. I’m just going on my honeymoon. I’ll be back next week!” She jokingly chastised me, even though her own eyes were filling with tears.

“I know. But it’ll be different. I’m so happy for you, but it’ll still be different.”

She nodded, hugged me one last time, and then waved to the small crowd of people who were left, and got into the waiting car to take them to the hotel before they left for their honeymoon the next afternoon. Everyone else went back inside or headed to their cars, but I stood on the curb, watching them drive away.

“You alright?” Matt asked, once again dropping his jacket around my shoulders. I smiled.

“I hate to sound dramatic, but I’m a little sad.”

“Because of John? That’s understandable.”

“Not just because of John. I mean that’s certainly part of it. But… To sound really selfish, this wedding is changing my life. I mean it’s always been ‘Lanie and Sunny.’ Sometimes it was ‘Lanie and Sunny, and Sunny’s boyfriend.’ I left her for college for such a short period of time, but I’ve known her since birth practically and now… Now it’s Sunny and Noah.” I shrugged. “It sounds stupid saying it out loud. I know Sunny and I will still be friends, I love Noah just as much and I know they aren’t going to make me feel like a third wheel or anything. But it’s different now.”

He nodded. “That’s understandable too.”

We stood there for a moment, and then I yawned unintentionally.

“Sorry – it’s been a really long day. I suppose I should go inside and call a taxi and head home.”

“Don’t wait for a taxi. I’ll give you a lift.”

“Oh well. Thanks. I have to come back over here tomorrow to get Sunny’s car. I was supposed to drive it back to the apartment tonight but I think I’ve had too much to drink.”

“I’ll give you a lift if you want. Just give me a ring in the morning.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

He shrugged. “I know. But I have nothing better to do. Some buddies are coming over to watch the game. It might not be your thing but…” He shrugged again, and then cleared his throat. “I know after Ella I really needed to fill my time. I figured you might need to do the same, especially with Sunny being gone too.”

“Well thanks. Again.”

Suddenly things felt weird and formal and I wasn’t sure what to do. We stood there for a minute and then Matt cleared his throat again.

“Well. You ready now?”

“Sure.” I said, and I followed him to his car.

The ride home was a little awkward. Matt fiddled with the radio and we drove in mostly silence. When we arrived back at my place, he parked.

“I’ll walk you up.”

“You don’t have too, I’ll be OK.”

“It’s no problem.” He said, getting out of the car. “It’s late, I want to make sure you make it in OK.”

We stood awkwardly outside my door. “I just… Thanks. I know I keep saying it, but you’ve been really great. I’m not sure I would have made it through tonight without you...” I reached up and hugged him quickly. I could tell I caught him off guard, it took him a second to hug back – so I quickly pulled away, unlocked the door, and went inside. I slumped down on the couch, exhausted, but also strangely wired. I noticed then that I still had Matt’s coat on. Before I could stop myself, I lifted the sleeve to my arm and smelled.

“What are you doing?” I asked myself out loud. “Weirdo.”

I took off his jacket and hung it on the chair by the door, and then went to change into my PJs. The house was quiet – too quiet. It made me feel nervous and on edge. I didn’t like being alone anymore, and I knew I wouldn’t be getting any sleep. I grabbed a blanket and sat on the sofa, opening up my email. I hadn’t checked it all day, nor did I bother to carry my phone with me. Anyone who needed me would have been at the wedding.

I was surprised to see an email from my cousin. We didn’t talk much, and I hadn’t heard from her in a while. We tended to send each other emails to catch up every now and then. Not often enough to be close but… Honesty I would like to be closer to her, but it was as if she kept me just close enough so that she wasn’t completely cutting me out.

Hey, Is it OK if I maybe come see you for a couple of days? I just need a place to crash for a while and I’d like to see how Pop’s shop is doing. If the answer is no, I understand. If not… Well, I could be there tomorrow.

….Well. I had been wanting a distraction.

Instead of emailing her, I decided to text her,

Perfect timing. Sunny’s on honeymoon, have a spare bed. Feel free to stop by.