It's over.

Nothing good comes from 'we need to talk.' Ever. I knew that, John knew that, and so instead of leading him to my bedroom as I had planned when I opened the door, I walked into the kitchen. I busied myself in the fridge so I wouldn't have to look at him, trying to postpone the inevitable.

"You hungry? Thirsty? I have water and beer, I might have soda I don't know if Sunny drank it all..." I was chattering, filling the air with words so that John couldn't drop a bomb on me. And I knew it would be a bomb.

"Melanie... I'm fine. Can you please sit down?" He asked, gesturing to the bar stool next to him.

"I'd rather stand, I think." I said, pulling out a water for myself.

"Well can you at least come over here and look at me?" He asked.

I paused for a moment. I didn't want too, but could I really say no? I trudged over there and leaned against the counter. I forced myself to look at him.

"I really like you Melanie." He said, taking his hand in mine.

"I really like you too..." I said, softening. Maybe I had the wrong idea, maybe he had decided we should be together... Wouldn't it be funny if we got married and I could tell this story at our wedding?

"But I told you I'd be honest with you."

....Or not.

"Oh-kay." I said, resisting the urge to pull my hand back.

"I went out with someone tonight. I thought it was just as friends but then..." He trailed off, and I did pull back my hand.

"So this is it?" I said, turning away from him. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, and I didn't want him to see.

"It doesn't have to be."

"What do you mean?" I asked, composing myself enough to turn back around to look at him. Would he tell me it was a mistake? Could I forgive him for something like that?

"I mean, we can still continue what we're doing. I just told you I'd tell you if there was anyone else."

"...Are you serious right now?" I asked, feeling the anger starting to overtake the sadness.

"Yes. She knows my situation. I just need time to figure out what I want."

"You are such a dick." I blurted out. "Seriously John?"

"Why are you angry? I didn't do anything wrong."

I was quiet for a moment, trying to get my thoughts in order before I spoke. "You know, I guess you're right. You didn't do anything wrong. We weren't together, I knew that this was a possibility. But I am angry because you hurt me John. I guess in the end it is my fault, I knew this might happen and I decided to take the chance, but I guess I just hoped you cared enough about me that it wouldn't happen. I took a gamble and I lost."

"I DO care about you Lanie, that's why I'm here. I want to be with you." "No you don't. If you wanted to be with me John then you'd be with me. Just me. You wouldn't just be with me until someone else came along, or be with me and some other girl."

"I just need some time, Melanie."

"You've had time John. I've been very patient, maybe too patient, and I think I'm pretty much out of patience. I was dumb enough to wait this long, but if you think I'm dumb enough to sit at home while you go out with another girl in hopes that one day you might wake up and see that I am all you need... Well, you don't know me at all. You take all the time you need, sweetheart, but you will not be biding that time in my bed, or with me."

"I'm sorry." He said, standing.

"So am I." I said.

I don't know if he expected me to hug him, or to yell more, or to ask questions, because he stood there for a moment, watching me. I had nothing left to say. I didn't want to know who the girl was. I didn't feel like yelling. I didn't want to touch him. I just wanted him to leave and I wanted to go to bed so this whole night would be over.

"I'll see you." He said, heading for the door.

And I just let him go.



Now my life was down to work, the class, and the wedding. I didn't say anything to Sunny about what happened with John, but about a week after he left, we were working on wedding things when she cleared her throat.

"I haven't seen John around lately." She said. She didn't look at me, instead kept her gaze on the seating chart she was trying to arrange.

"Yeah. Well..." I trailed off. "Guess he's been busy."

She looked up at me, studying me. "He asked me if he could bring a date to the wedding, Melanie." Her words were harsh, but her tone was careful. She knew I needed to know, but I could tell she didn't want to be the one to tell me. "What should I tell him?"

I shrugged. "Tell him what you want. It's not a big deal to me."

"I don't believe you. And honestly Lanie, I can't believe I had to hear it from him. Why didn't you tell me?" Now her voice sounded angrier.

I was quiet, and all I could think of to do was shrug again.

"You've gotten so weird lately, it's like I don't even know you. First the whole situation with John, which is so unlike you to let someone treat you like that. Then it ends and you don't bother to tell me?"

"I feel fucking stupid Sunny, OK? I'm falling in love with the guy and he's... Using me. And everyone knew he was using me. I knew he was using me, and I let him. What was I supposed to say? 'Oh hey Sunny, what you said was going to happen totally happened. You win!'"

"Do you really think this is about winning or losing? Do you think this is the outcome I wanted for you?" Sunny asked. Her voice was getting shrill - which is what happened when she was close to crying.

"No, Sunny. Of course not, I know it's not what you wanted." I said, lowering my tone. "It's just what you warned me about. It's what everyone warned me about, and it's what I was warning myself about. It's not like I didn't know it was a possibility. I just... I wanted it to work." I threw up my hands, feeling the tears start to build in my eyes.

I hadn't cried yet. I had wanted too, especially at night. I had become accustomed to John's warm body next to mine, the sound of his breathing, and now all I could think about was how cold my bed was, how silent my house was - especially now that Sunny was pretty much living at Noah's. I wondered if he missed me, or if his body was lying next to someone else. I felt like I shouldn't be allowed to be sad. It's like when you're little, and your Mom warns you not to run, and you do anyway and she yells 'well don't come crying to me when you fall!' I played with fire. I got burned. I couldn't complain about it now.

"You're allowed to be sad." Sunny said, as if she could read my mind.

I shrugged again. "It's done. Just tell him his date is fine. No big deal." I said.

Sunny looked at me, and then shook her head. "OK, Lanie. If you're OK with it."

I nodded. I didn't trust myself to say anything else. I turned back toward the scrapbook guestbook project I was working on when Sunny cleared her throat.

"I wanted to ask you something else. I... I realize this isn't the best time for this, but... My brother. He's coming to the wedding."

I turned sharply to look at her, and opened my mouth, but then shut it again, unsure of what to say. Sunny had dropped the bomb that she had been talking with her brother when we were drunk, but honestly I had wondered if I had hallucinated it all in my drunken stupor. She had made no mention of it since. In case you forgot, Sunny's brother had disappeared in the middle of the night when Sunny was five, saying goodbye only to Sunny.

"Well. I... I mean..." I faltered. "How did you find him?"

"He found me, on facebook. I was really angry with him at first... I mean he left me, and I grew up watching Mom worry about him. But he told me what happened, and then I got angry with Mom, thinking about what she did to him, how hard it was for him... And that was awkward because I couldn't really tell her why I was being so cold to her..."

"What'd she do?" I asked, confused. Sunny's Mom was the nicest person, I couldn't imagine her pushing anyone away, let alone her own son.

Sunny swallowed. "He's gay. I mean back then he was just 'confused' and he admits to rebelling a little, but I mean he was what, fifteen? Sixteen. That's what they do. Mom found him messing around with some guy and I guess she flipped and Dad flipped - they had never really gotten along and so... He left."

"That's a lot." I said, unsure of what else to say.

"I know. I want him at the wedding. And he wants to come but..."

"You have to tell your Mom. Seriously Sunny, you can't just drop that on her at your wedding."

"I know. I know." She said, biting her lip. "Can you come with me to tell her?"

"Me?" I said, surprised. "Sunny I think this is maybe a family thing..."

"You are my family Melanie. I just... I need you there."

I felt uncomfortable saying yes. I really did think this was more of a private matter, but Sunny looked so lost sitting there, and I remembered when she was there when my Uncle died.

"Name the time and place." I answered.